Mirrors Are Missing At Marlins Park For Your Protection

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Mirrors – who needs ‘em? Have the Miami Marlins found the secret formula for keeping fans in the seats? Not content to sit on the laurels of new uniforms, new location, and a new ballpark, the Marlins apparently have also been focusing on making sure that whenever fans leave their seats, they are getting fans back to their seats as quickly as possible.

We aren’t sure yet if the Home Run Sculpture will have fans racing back to their seats, hoping they don’t miss the post-home run animations. The Marlins may have been working on the best stadium bathroom psychology since the controversies over the pink visitor locker rooms at the University of Iowa football stadium – no mirrors!

The Miami Herald ‏ @MiamiHerald

Stadium tidbit: Public women’s bathroom at #MarlinsPark have no mirrors. The reason: They don’t want female fans taking time to primp.

That’s right. While fans of the Philadelpha Phillies, Washington Nationals, and Atlanta Braves are wasting valuable game time fixing their hair, adjusting lipstick, and making sure they don’t have any mustard left on their mouth, Marlins fans won’t have to worry about missing a pitch that might otherwise have been spent frivolously on vanity or personal hygiene looking into a mirror.

Surely, the Marlins did not make this decision on a whim. They must have put some thought into not putting any mirrors in the women’s bathrooms. Research must have been involved.

How much time really IS spent in stadium bathrooms? How much of that is spent in front of the mirror? Depending on the layout of the bathroom, does extended bathroom time block the flow of people walking in and out – is this the reason why the lines are always long for the women’s restrooms in arenas and stadiums? Too much time at the sinks prevents good bathroom traffic flow?

Maybe the Marlins just want to help fans avoid spending too much time with those sinks – the spot in the bathroom where bacteria lingers longest, according to this University of Arizona student research project.

It is unlikely the “Missing Mirror Controversy” will cost the Marlins any victories this season. Who won’t rest more comfortably this season, knowing that the Marlins brass is looking out for us, making sure we don’t miss that big pitch because we were too busy brushing that stray hair into place.

You can keep up with Marlins baseball, Red Sox rants, and more by following Bill Moore on Twitter

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