There has been an epidemic sweeping through South Philadelphia for several years now. That epidemic is called SyPhillies. It is a vile disease that makes normal people become overly obnoxious and generally unpleasant to be around.
Symptoms include: foaming of the mouth, rage induced fits of profanity-laced diatribes, hyperactivity, uncontrollable anal leakage, tooth loss, Krogan halitosis, terminal leg rot, leprosy, and an intense desire to refer to one’s self in third person. Later symptoms can cause changes in appearance such as:
The disease is believed to have originated when a human had sex with the Phillie Fanatic and the resulting mutation of the disease has caused it to go viral and spread from Phillies fan to Phillies fan through their overly obnoxious behavior.
The disease was at it’s highest concentration during and after the 2008 World Series and has since cause all Phillies fans to believe that their poop doesn’t stink. Other telltale signs of infection are aggressive tendencies and reactions whenever anyone refers to Phillies’ pitcher Cole Hamels as an EMO douche-bag. This disease is very much related to Bryce Harper Madness and when these two diseases meet you might as well just divide by zero, because it’s all over but the shouting…..and possibly crying…..and possibly stealing of home plate.
The good news is that this year has seen a significant reduction in new cases of SyPhilies and with continued proper treatment by lighting up All-Star pitchers Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee like Christmas trees will yield significant success in keeping this highly destructive disease at bay.
Fear not though, fellow fish fans, as this affliction only affects Philadelphia Phillies fans. Let’s ensure that the vile disease SyPhillies does not continue by wishing our boys the best as they take on this disease on it’s own home turf over the weekend.
Till Next Week Kids.
This post is dedicated to my twelve year old Siberian Husky, Logan, who suffered a stroke this past weekend. RIP sweet boy!