Miami Marlins Get Major Drubbing from Arizona Diamondbacks

May 17, 2013; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Marlins starting pitcher

(45) heads back to the dugout during the third inning against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Marlins Park. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

drubbing (n)

1. a beating, as with a stick, cudgel, etc.

2. a comprehensive or heavy defeat

That pretty much sums up Kevin Slowey’s outing tonight against Arizona. Giving up three homers in three consecutive innings probably has Slowey sitting on the post-game training table with icepacks around his neck because of the whiplash generated by watching the exit trajectory of his pitches. Wade LeBlanc finally came in to relieve Slowey in the fourth, and put up four innings of 1-run ball before yielding to Rauch and Webb for the last two.

The Marlins offense wasn’t much better, filling the bases before grounding into inning-ending double plays. Rob Brantly finally hit a chip shot RBI that plated the first run for the Marlins in the seventh inning. Placido Polanco tapped the other run across as a ninth-inning afterthought.  Juan Pierre was able to swipe another bag, but the team stranded six and went 3-8 RISP.

Defensively, two double plays were turned, and no one booted a ball, so there’s that. Maybe what we need to do is to fire Rich and Tommy up in the telecast booth and to drag Bob Uecker out of retirement and put a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in front of him to try and capture some of that Major League magic. Lord knows the roster is almost a perfect match, as is the owner. Why not the broadcast booth?  Maybe we can find a couple of irascible Japanese groundskeepers to really round out the cast.

In other less-than-happy news, Giancarlo Stanton still can’t even jog on his sprung hammy.  The 15-day DL trip might stretch to 60. Kudos to Marcell Ozuna for stepping up so well.