Festivus Miami Marlins style


With today being December 23rd, or Festivus, it’s time to participate in one of the most cherished Festivus traditions, the airing of grievances. For those of you unfamiliar with the holiday, this video should shed some light on what the holiday is. So now is my chance to air my grievances with the Marlins and stay in the holiday spirit.

1. David Samson is a used car salesman

  •  David Samson is the type of guy who would sell you a Geo Prizm and act like it’s a Ferrari. I’m tired of David Samson’s false promises of winning seasons and spending sprees only to end up with a 71 win team. Do you really think David has belief in a roster comprised of Jeff Mathis, Miguel Rojas, and Tommy Medica to win games? Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m also done with David’s excuses for not doing anything for the team and sitting on his hands. In case you weren’t aware with how smiley of character Samson is, watch the video and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

2. We have no pitching (besides Jose)

  •  Are you ready for a 2015 rotation featuring David Phelps, Tom Koehler, Jared Cosart, Brad Hand, and Jose Urena? That’s right, at one point the Marlins had Nathan Eovaldi, Anthony DeSclafani, Andrew Heaney, and Henderson Alvarez. The net of those players was marginal, Dee Gordon, Mat Latos, Martin Prado, and an extra $4 million in cap space were the rewards of mortgaging your future, that didn’t work out well.

3. Almost EVERYONE hates the organization

  •  Opposing GMs, players, fans, just about everyone is against Loria, Samson, Hill and their dog and pony show of an organization. Their own city hates them for pulling a long con on them to get Marlins Park built, that’s about as bad as it gets. When your team has a history of selling off their players, nobody is going to want to sign there. Congratulations, you effectively ruined your allure even though you’re located in one of the most exotic cities in the USA, Miami!

4. You just don’t care about winning

  • The team does not make winning important, and that should be the top priority of every organization in sports. They’re more concerned with making money than actually bring a World Series trophy home, and that’s just sad.

5. You still employ Jeff Mathis

  • This one needs very little explanation. The guy batted sub .200, nobody has defense and leadership good enough to make up for his horrible offense.

6. Marlins Park

  • Your ballpark looks like a toilet bowl with the roof open and you had to scam the city to get it. That’s reason enough to have a grievance with the place let alone it’s empty every single night (except Opening Day).

7. Loria

  • If there’s an owner hated more by his own fans than Jeffrey Loria, I’d love to know. After the Marlins Park fiasco, and his utter smugness, Loria has become the most hated man in Miami baseball history. Only to add insult to injury, he’s not selling the team any time soon so you’ll have to put up with the spoils of him being the owner for the foreseeable future.


  • It’s two days until Christmas and your team has not made any moves to improve your 71-win team. I know this dead horse has been beat enough, but it’s time to sign any Major League capable player. Relying on an unreliable group is a horrid idea.

Well, that’s enough venom directed towards the team for one night. What a relief to put my concreate anger towards the organization into words. Anyways, another part of Festivus is the feats of strength, so enjoy a small little collection of some Giancarlo Stanton bombs.

So enjoy this small sampling of Stanton smashes

But it wasn’t just Giancarlo who showed feats of strength in 2015, here’s Jose Fernandez’s home run in his first game back.

So happy Festivus Marlins Nation, hope you enjoyed my grievances then enjoyed some incredible feats of strength. Hopefully when Festivus 2016 rolls around, I won’t have so many grievances to air with the organization but we shall see.