Home run sculpture livid and embarrassed after derby snub


The home run derby didn’t go as planned last night. But there was someone even more disappointed than the fans at the way things unfolded.

On Tuesday, Marlin Maniac ran story that featured an exclusive interview with the Miami Marlins home run sculpture. In it, the often misunderstood sculpture expressed his excitement and optimism for how the home run derby might change the way he’s perceived around the league.

But for the sculpture, Giancarlo Stanton‘s early exit was the second disappointment of the night. The first came much earlier in the evening, when Miguel Sano blasted the first home run of the tournament. After the ball landed safely amongst riotous fans, the sculpture believed his time had come.

He waited for his time to shine. And he waited. And he continued to wait. It was the beginning of what would be a night filled with waiting, and wading…through embarrassment that is.

Marlin Maniac caught up with the sculpture after the event had cleared out, and he was noticeably upset. What was supposed to be the night of a lifetime had become nothing short of a nightmare. He licked his wounds as he uttered a few, reluctant, barely coherent statements.

"“It was CRAP! What the heck happened out there?! They left me hanging like some kind of dope! Like a clown! Everyone was staring at me the whole time, laughing! I’ve gotten used to it during the regular season, but tonight was supposed to be different!”"

The sculpture went on record as saying this was just “more of the same” from a Miami Marlins ownership group that has regularly made him a goat. In his mind, Tuesday night was supposed to be his ascendance to being the G.O.A.T.

What happened, exactly?

While the sculpture did get an opportunity to go through one full turn of his capabilities at the end of the evening, it was far from the show he was expecting to put on. So what happened? How did the sculpture go from the star of the evening, to an afterthought?

"“I’m union. I was on my break”, Carl said, the man who pushes the button that sets the sculpture in motion. “When I got back from my mandated two-hour lunch break, the derby had already started. Nobody seemed that upset that it wasn’t running. So I figured, ‘what the heck’. I went home.”"

For the home run sculpture, he now looks ahead to the All-Star Game on Wednesday night. He’ll be hoping for home runs, early and often. Management has come to terms with Carl, who has agreed to take his break before or after the event, instead of during.

Next: Home run sculpture preparing for home run derby

With new ownership on the way, questions abound about the future of the Miami Marlins home run sculpture. He’ll try not to think about that tonight. While trying to shake off the embarrassment from last night, and focus on this evenings festivities, the sculpture has enough on his plate.